The HOW Program

The HOW Concept

The Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous HOW Concept has been formed to offer the sex & love addict a disciplined and structured approach. There are no absolutes for sobriety in SLAA, as individual patterns of sex and love addiction vary. The SLAA HOW groups have been formed in the belief that our disease IS absolute and therefore only strict acceptance of the HOW program will offer any sustained sobriety to those of us whose compulsion has reached a critical level.

Therefore we accept our HOW defined bottom-line sobriety; our Step Questions and Maintenance Questions; our Outreach Calls; the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions; and our other tools as requirements for our recovery. We commit ourselves to a black & white sobriety so that we may deal with the grey areas of living.

In HOW we’ve found that, if we commit to using the tools of recovery on a daily basis, our disease of sex and love addiction can be arrested one day at a time.

The HOW Tools

Here are the tools as we work them according to the SLAA HOW concept of sobriety:

1. In HOW each sex & love addict works with a sponsor to identify their personal bottom lines. We become sober by abstaining from these bottom-line behaviours on a daily basis.

2. We use SLAA literature as well as the AA Big Book and the AA 12 Steps and 12 Traditions as tools of examination and release. Our writing assignments in HOW are taken from these.

3. We recommend you attend a minimum of three meetings per week. Meetings are dedicated to the concept of remaining Honest, Open-minded and Willing to listen… this is the HOW of the program.

4. We make four phone calls a day – one to our sponsor and three outreach calls to other SLAA members. The phone is like a lifeline: we need the contact. It can be like a mini meeting.

5. We practice daily prayer and meditation to develop a relationship with a power greater than ourselves which can guide and sustain us in recovery, being forever aware that God is doing for us what we have never been able to do for ourselves.

6. Service is freedom from the bondage of self, giving back what we’ve freely and lovingly received. It’s helping out at meetings, setting up chairs, making coffee and welcoming newcomers etc. Sobriety is a service to ourselves and the group.

7. A SLAA HOW sponsor is a sex and love addict who, by the grace of God, has 30 days of continuous sobriety working the SLAA HOW concept and has taken the first three steps. In keeping with our second tradition, our leaders are but trusted servants – they do not govern. Discretion, common sense and our higher power can guide us in our selection.

HOW Literature

Draft versions of SLAA HOW literature are available, awaiting final Conference approval:

  • What is SLAA HOW? 
  • SLAA HOW Sponsorship Guide,  – incorporating the first 30 questions, the “slip” questions, the step 4/5 guidance, the steps 6-12 questions and the maintenance questions. Also Spanish and French translations
  • SLAA HOW Beginners Guide.
  • Step 4 tables Word Document

Send an email to and you will receive a return email with the documents attached.

HOW Resources​